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CARICATURE ARTIST’S
Matt Gaetz Under Investigation. IT’S “WEEKEND UPDATE” WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. >> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO “WEEKEND UPDATE.” I’M MICHAEL CHE.
I’M COLIN JOST. >>> REPRESENTATIVE MATT GAETZ, WHO LOOKS LIKE. Matt Gaetz Under Investigation.
A CARICATURE ARTIST’S DRAWING OF ME — [ LAUGHTER ] IS REPORTEDLY UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR AN ALLEGED SEXUAL.
RELATIONSHIP WITH AN UNDERAGE GIRL, BECAUSE GAETZ BELIEVES THAT ONLY VOTERS SHOULD HAVE TO SHOW I.D. [ LAUGHTER ] IT’S ALSO BEING REPORTED.
THAT GAETZ MAY HAVE PAID FOR SEX WITH WOMEN HE MET ONLINE. THAT STORY HAS SINCE BEEN CONFIRMED BY HIS WHOLE VIBE. [ LAUGHTER ] GAETZ THEN DEFENDED HIMSELF,
RELEASING THIS VERY NORMAL STATEMENT. SEE IF ANY OF IT SOUNDS SUSPICIOUS TO YOU. MATT GAETZ HAS NEVER PAID FOR SEX. MATT GAETZ HAS NEVER, EVER BEEN ON ANY SUCH WEBSITES WHATSOEVER.
THE RELATIONSHIPS IN HIS PAST AND LOOKS FORWARD TO MARRYING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. HERE’S MY RESPONSE STATEMENT. COLIN JOST DOES NOT BELIEVE YOU. LAUGHTER ] COLIN JOST THINKS YOU’VE BEEN TO ALL THE WEBSITES.
PRESIDENT BIDEN IS REPORTEDLY DETERMINING IF HE HAS PLANS TO PAY FOR HIS INFRASTRUCTURE PLAN BY RAISING TAXES ON CORPORATIONS AND THE WEALTHY. WHICH, YEAH, SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA. BUT ONE BIG QUESTION.
CRAZIEST PART
HOW DO I HIDE MY MONEY? >>> IF I CAN GET BACK TO MATT GAETZ FOR A MINUTE. [ LAUGHTER ] HERE’S THE CRAZIEST PART OF THE STORY TO ME. A SITTING CONGRESSMAN IS BEING ACCUSED OF CHILD TRAFFICKING AND THE QANON PEOPLE ARE SUDDENLY LIKE, NAH,
I NEED MORE EVIDENCE. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT WAS YOUR WHOLE THING! MATT GAETZ’S GIRLFRIEND WAS ALLEGEDLY 17, THE 17th LETTER IS “Q.” IT ALL ADDS UP. [ APPLAUSE ] WHAT.
ARE YOU WAITING FOR? THE STORM IS HERE AND QANON IS LIKE, YOU CAN’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> DELTA AIRLINES, WHICH IS BASED IN ATLANTA, PUBLICLY CRITICIZED GEORGIA’S NEW RESTRICTIVE VOTING LAWS.
YOU KNOW YOU MESSED UP WHEN DELTA IS LIKE, HEY, YOU GOT TO TREAT PEOPLE WITH RESPECT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WHOA, WHOA. >>> PRESIDENT BIDEN IS REPORTEDLY DETERMINING IF HE HAS THE LEGAL AUTHORITY TO CANCEL STUDENT DEBT THROUGH AN EXECUTIVE ORDER. COME ON, MAN, JUST DO IT. [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN,
THE COUNTRY CAN AFFORD ONE RECKLESS ACTION AFTER FOUR YEARS OF PRESIDENT KOOL-AID MAN. >>> SPEAKING OF, DONALD TRUMP AND MELANIA TRUMP HAVE LAUNCHED
A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO, QUOTE, PRESERVING THE MAGNIFICENT LEGACY OF THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION. AND IT WILL HONOR.
THE MOST LASTING PART OF TRUMP’S LEGACY BY GIVING YOUR COMPUTER AN UNCONTROLLABLE VIRUS. [ LAUGHTER.
